Stock image of teen girl in hallway with head in her hands.Photo:Getty
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The concerned parent of a 15-year-old is trying to figure out the best way to handle a difficult situation.
The original poster (OP) explained onReddit’s AmITheA——that their daughter Ella has been saving up for her school band’s field trip to Orlando since last year.
“Either my husband or I would stay home and make sure everything was alright, and if there were times that both of us had to be out of the house, we’d make sure to ask our neighbors to keep an eye out and pay Ella $25 an hour. We were never gone for more than 2 hours.”
The couple was all set to sign their daughter up for the trip when they learned some disturbing news.
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“Earlier this week, I was informed that Ella had beenmistreating a girl in her gradefor having a mental illness — writing awful notes and putting them in the girls bag, spreading disgusting and derogatory rumors, posting things about her online. It’s a whole mess and when I was called in, I could barely even listen the moment after I was told my daughter was bullying someone,” OP revealed.
OP admitted they were baffled to hear this and felt they had “raised her right, and told her to treat everyone with respect and kindness.”
“The school’s motto is that they don’t tolerate bullying at all, yet it feels as if she was only given a slap on the wrist and [she was] told not to do it again. It also feels wrong that I’m thinking this way, but I do think that there should be more done,” OP shared.
Stock image of young teen looking sad.Getty
OP also noticed the girl who was bullied is part of the band and is likely to attend the trip, which is what gave them pause about allowing Ella to attend.
“Would it be wrong if I didn’t allow Ella to go on the trip? She paid for half of the trip, but I don’t think she deserves to go.”
“I can’t think of any other way to punish her. She loves to read and isn’t on her phone often. She has a good amount of friends, but doesn’t hang out with them often,” OP continued. “What am I supposed to do, take away her books and make her hang out with her friends more? I think the trip is a good lesson, but my husband and a good friend of mine don’t agree with the decision, the reasoning being that Ella worked for that money.”
OP emphasized that they wouldn’t take the money away from Ella, just inform her she isn’t allowed to go on the trip. OP admitted, “I don’t want that girl to haveany possibilityof being bullied again,” asking if that was the wrong way to look at the situation.
Stock image of teen girls enjoying sunny beach.Getty
Commenters were split on what OP’s best move in this situation would be.
“You save the money –> you get to go on a field trip. You subject another human being to horrific emotional abuse –> you lose that field trip. All of our actions have consequences. Not just the positive ones,“one commenter wrote.
Another commentersuggested OP go with as a chaperone. “Because frankly, I’d say let her go on the trip…but you shadow her every move as if she were still a 2-year-old, even to having her shareyourhotel room instead of another student. Because she’s shown she can’t be trusted on her own to behave in a civilized manner. That way, the consequences of losing trust becomeveryclear to her over the course of the entire trip as she realizes her entire class sees her being treated like an infant.”
Many people implored OP to figure out what’s going on with Ella that she’s comfortable treating others this way.
“Banning her from the trip to Orlando, will hopefully teach her that bad behaviour loses HER things (that she really wants). However, it won’t teach her the actual effects of what she has done, on the victim. Bullying usually causes emotional damage for the victim, and certainly can worsen mental health issues,“one person noted.
“So Ella really needs to understand what she’s done. You need to force her to learn about mental health and bullying, and get her to write a lengthy essay about them (with references to research on these topics). You need to make her volunteer for mental health charities, etc.”
source: people.com
