One of the first picture in Hansel & Gretel utterly encapsulates the tincture of the movie you ’re about to determine . In a minor , “ fairy tale era ” townspeople , a dastardly sheriff is about to execute an accused crone . Then Hansel and Gretel get with simple machine gunman and crossbows and various other anachronistic gadgets . Gretel hold a gun for hire to the sheriff ’s head and forces him to let the innocent woman go . “ OK you crashing bushwhacker , ” she says . “ We ’re gon na make unnecessary this town . ” Whether you like this movie depends on whether you intend that scene is laughable .
I , for one , think it was screaming . And I express joy all the way through to the ending , though I ’m not sure I was supposed to do that . Hansel & Gretel , a bizarrely update twist on the fairy tale , is the pure example of a movie that is both intentionally and unintentionally comical at the same time .
This is a flick veritably bursting with absurdity , from “ ye olde newspaper headline ” that illustrate the movie ’s possibility credits — “ Hansel and Gretel slay swamp beldam ! ” — to the ludicrous subplot about a eccentric person who draws rooter art of Gretel and collects every story about the beldam - busting duad in a big , leather - bind volume . Hansel is diabetic because he overdose on all that sugar the witch made him use up when he was a minor ( expect “ I want my injection to regain my forte ” roguishness ) . Gretel is a badass who has a steampunk taser to go with her crossbow . There ’s also a spunk rock-and-roll beldam who looks like Kelly Osborne , a good white Wiccan who dip Hansel in “ healing water ” so that we can see Jeremy Renner nude , and LOT of punching with tree diagram offshoot . Plus Famke Jenssen as the Baddest Witch Ever schools you in how to really phone a carrying out in .
The plot is pretty mere . The mayor of the hillbilly townspeople has asked Hansel and Gretel to inquire a series of kidnappings — kids have been disappearing from all over the region . It turn out that there ’s some kind of parentage synodic month ritual that all the local witches are prepping for , and of course of instruction the super siblings have to block up it . The action is frenetic , the continuity is whacky , and the traditional knowledge feels like it was conceived by three stoner with a box of chub mackerel toys . Doing witchcraft decompose your teeth . The worst spell ever involves eating worms and exploding . witch apparently LOVE to strangle people .
Everything build to a in earnest derisory but lovable flood tide with a giant hag political party that looks like something out of the Rocky Horror Picture Show . Again , I ’m not sure if it was deliberately silly — but I was titter uncontrollably .
If you ’re looking for a serious reinterpretation of the Hansel and Gretel story , this film is n’t going to cut it . Even the “ dark ” bits where the siblings attempt to figure out why their father left them alone in the woods are plain ridiculous . But if you want to express mirth your ass off and see some witchslapping , it ’s the stark thing . Gemma Arterton as Gretel is especially adept at chewing the scenery in the most awesome way possible . What I ’m tell is that you should twist your brain off and mainline some fairytale this weekend .
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