Mental Floss is partner with FilmNation and iHeartPodcasts to bring you the transcripts forGreatest Escapes , a podcast hosted by Arturo Castro about some of the fantastic escape narrative across history . In this installment , Ophira Eisenberg ( comedian and host ofParenting is a Jokepodcast)partners with Arturo as they channelise back to World War II and recap the biggest escape to ever occur from an American prisoner of war summer camp . ( Spoiler Alert : The good guys still come out triumphant ! ) Read all the transcriptshere .
Arturo Castro : This is Greatest Escapes , a show bringing you the wildest true leak stories . Now today we ’re heading back to World War II and the expectant escape cock from an American prisoner of war camp . I ’m Arturo Castro , and today I ’m joined by the comedian , Canadian , and public radio sense impression Ophira Eisenberg .
Hi , Ophira . give thanks you so much for doing this .
Ophira Eisenberg : Hi !
Arturo : I’m so felicitous to see you . Uh , we ’ve met once before when you were hostingAsk Me Another .
Ophira : hold up on stage !
Arturo : Yes . And Topher Grace was on that podcast with me and he wipe the floor with me , uh , because it was a bunch of cereal questions , but I had a f***ing blast . And you were so safe .
Ophira : It was a trivia show . Do n’t make — don’t make hoi polloi think it was a cereal grass podcast . It was a trivia show .
Arturo : Yeah , we were talking about kidnapping and of a sudden he just started — he set out asking him questions about grain .
Ophira : It was super uncanny .
Ophira’s Escape
Arturo : Let me inquire you something . What — what do you consider to be your greatest flight ?
Ophira : You have a little bit of an idea of this . So I was living in Toronto –
Arturo : Right .
Ophira:–and I decide that I require to populate in New York . Every standup laughable and actor that I experience leave Toronto would do this thing where they would hold a goodbye company for themselves and then they would be like , “ see you later , I ’m going to pilot season in LA ” or “ see you later , like , I ’m gon na go make it . ”
Arturo : My heart breaks .
Ophira : And yeah . And then some of them never moved back and many of them did .
Arturo : Oh human race , like — it ’s about accept to do back with a tail between your branch , because I think most people , when they move for an artistic reason , every — you got everybody say like , “ OK , like , f***ing see you in about a calendar month . ”
Ophira : Right ?
So I concoct this architectural plan . I go to get this rental car the next day , and I set forth driving towards the border just being like –
Arturo:“You’ll never see me again ! ”
Ophira:“I’m go to America . I ’m gon na make it in New York City , baby . ” And , uh , I acquire to the borderline to apply for this visa and the guy say , “ what are you applying for ? ” I said , “ graphic designer . ” He go , “ where ’s the evidence of your work ? ”
And I was like , “ ev – evidence of my work ? ” And he kick the bucket , “ well , did you go to school in graphic invention , or … ? ” I was like , “ no , no . I went to schoolhouse in cultural anthropology . ”
And he was like , “ But it ’s OK . Just go back home to Toronto and just get the stuff together and get it back . Like you could lend it back later today , you could lend it back tomorrow . ”
Arturo : What’d you do ?
Ophira : Well , the line was really , really long to get back to go to Canada . And then I just saw a sign that said Buffalo Airport , 40 miles . And so I just gun it and looked in my rearward thought mirror the whole time going , like , “ this ca n’t be happening . This ca n’t be happening , this ca n’t be happening . Did I just gasconade through a border ? ” And , uh , I was shaking the whole time and I dropped off the motorcar at the Buffalo Airport rental car . Did you know you could do that ? You could drop down a rental car off anywhere for one C and hundreds of buck .
Arturo : Yeah , that ’s what I was gonna — I was gon na say . for a fee and a small tiddler , uh , your eldest . And you father away with it ! ?
Ophira : I seem to have baffle away with it as I sit here right now .
Arturo : Oh my God . But what — like , what a solidus of circumstances that after all that , you ’re suddenly in New York hold back to make it , baby .
Ophira : He ’s like , “ now I ’m gon na larn how to do graphic design . ”
CHAPTER 1: Shifting Rocks
Arturo : And now let me tell you about the level of our enceinte leakage . Are you ready ?
Ophira : I need to learn it .
Arturo : Let ’s do it .
So for our story , we ’re point down to America ’s southern border to a sweep of land that shroud 1500 acres outside Phoenix , Arizona .
Today , it ’s called “ Papago Park , ” and it ’s a beautiful area covered with large notched rock formations that rise up out of the red soil .
Now , why did the American government take that demesne , besides because it was fill with beautiful buttes ? It was to — to build weird sh*t , of course . Like a foreign white pyramid grave for Arizona ’s first regulator George Hunt .
Ophira : He ’s like being a king . He ’s like , “ I require all the buttes ! ”
Arturo:“All the buttes around me . ”
Ophira:“All the buttes of Arizona , mine ! ”
Arturo : So the government put an Army pedestal in Papago Park , but eventually , that base became a prison house . And part of the reason that they made that transposition is that when they were building they had worry digging in the rocky ground , so they even had to like , shell it with dynamite to get through . So they thought that it was , uh , break away proof . You get it on , they ’re like , “ we ’re not gon na give them dynamite . We ’re not that stupid , right ? ”
Ophira:“Every captive just receive one joint . ”
Arturo:“And it was a coyote pushing that thing down . It was so wild . ”
Ophira : Oh , it ’s my favorite cartoon .
Arturo : So in 1944 , the prison was used to go for German prisoners of war , right ?
Ophira : Ahh .
Arturo : When they arrived at Papago Park in January that year , they were put to work doing manual labor movement . In the spring , they were digging canals , and in the summer , they were hired by local farmers to do affair like pick Irish potato , and mob antelope , and bail hay and of course harbour them by doing the patented German “ untz untz ” dance …
Ophira : Did you say antelope , by the way ? Did you say pack –
Arturo : Yeah , they — they kept pack antelope into these massive surfaces . Um , they were like –
Ophira : I was like “ the antelopes would ’ve , uh , grooved out to those tunes . ”
Arturo : liveliness in the prison house was fair routine for these soldiers , right ? And despite the fact that they were foe scrapper , surety was uh , slightly loose . Pretty lax , I ’d say . Prisoners were always moving in and out for work , and the prison house safeguard were positive that no tangible escapes were possible . OK , this is bode a short bit , but the show is about escape valve , right-hand ? So also , what the f * * * , man ? How do you allow these sociopaths out of — like , to go plurality antelope ? Like , that ’s unacceptable on so many floor .
Ophira : No . And also , is Arizona not a prison house in itself ? Do they really need another thing ?
Arturo : That ’s it . Exactly . So which bring us to the pin of 1944 when the prison plumber responsible for maintaining the sewerage plant notice something unearthly .
[ Plumbing sounds ]
The somebody — oh , is that sound of a f***ing — oh , that is nasty . The prison house –
[ More plumbing sounds ]
So , yeah . Yeah . I think that ’s respectable . give thanks you .
Ophira : It ’s so funny why that ’s such an innocuous noise and we ’re both just totally creep out by it .
Arturo : Oh my God . It ’s just , I do n’t know , because it ’s like … once you say sewerage and you hear that , you just remember poop . I do .
Ophira : Brown and bubbly .
Arturo : Yeah . So the prison sewerage pipes kept nonplus clogged . He would open them up , clear them out , and find that they were immobilise with packed dirt and rocks . He was maybe like , slightly irritated , but he was n’t gon na substitute the whole prison sewage system just to fix where grease was getting in , which is what he thought was bump . But actually , though , what the plumber was seeing was the first sign of a monolithic endeavor to escape . It was a breakout scheduled for Christmas 1944 .
CHAPTER 2: Trucked
Arturo : in reality , there had already been an escapism attempt at Papago Park . Within the first month of arriving , five Germans hid in an regular army motortruck and tried to nobble out of the prison house so they could head for the southerly border . They were hoping they could catch a ship back to Germany from the Mexican port wine . It ’s like these guys really wanted to get back into the fight , y’know ? It kinda severalise us , like , who was being kept in this place .
Ophira : What sort of soul ! Yeah . Like , also there — there … was n’t there one guy that was just like , “ I do n’t know . Why do n’t we just look it out for a 2d ? ”
Arturo : I love that they ’re being like , honor system about this . “ Like , um , yeah , actually , yeah . No , they’re — they’ll come back . I lie with they , they get it on antelopes . They love cantaloupe . Cause they hump the Butte . ”
Ophira:“They love them all . Yeah . The — yeah . The butte are skillful . Do you cognise what they had before ? Did they have buttes ? Have you pick up the sky in Arizona ? ”
Arturo : Um , so two of them were arrested in Tucson , but the others made it all the way to Mexico before they were stopped . When they were return to the prison house , the guard had n’t even realise that they were gone . Can you f***ing believe ?
Ophira : Those were the top notch safety equipment .
Arturo : They’re like , “ oh , I don’t — that ’s ill at ease . I , I cogitate I just gather you in , well , silly , silly . fare back in … ”
Ophira : Oh my god .
Arturo : So word got out to the local paper , review around the prison receive just how free and easy thing were . Roll call was n’t taken seriously , and prison gates were left unlocked and some of the German prisoner of warfare were allowed to repulse motortruck . Ugh . So they could go in and outta the prison regularly as part of their work .
Ophira : This is the best prison ever .
Arturo : Don’t you think that like , when you ’re guarding literal Nazi , you ’d be a little more f***ing eye on the ball tike , you know ?
Ophira : It sound a little number like summer camp .
Arturo : Yeah . And so they also had crocheting , um –
Ophira : Yeah , incisively . They got to swim .
Arturo : They got to swim , they made friends . Um , so the lackadaisical attitude towards security was especially f***ing nuts , right , because the prison held German naval officers and in particular the commandant of German hoagie called uracil - gravy boat .
Ophira : Mm - hmm .
Arturo : German uracil - gravy holder commander were hard-core , and they were the most ruthless and most rabid officeholder in the German Navy . They had to be the sort of men able to live in a metal thermionic valve underwater for days and weeks at a time , and they had to be fanatical and nazi willing to slump civilian ships without mercy . Some real vicious sh*t . And they had to also be highly trained engineers who were capable of fixate break - down system of rules underwater without any aid from — from the exterior .
Ophira : And they still found these guys with those three insane criterion .
Arturo : Yeah . I do n’t have it off . I do n’t think I could be in a tube underwater . Do you think you could ever survive like , in a hero sandwich or sign up for that ? That kind of obligation ?
Ophira : I think in the root you would go crazy and then as sentence hold out on , you ’d be like , “ you recognise what ? Tube ’s look nice today . ”
Arturo : Yeah . To the — from the inside you ’re like , “ wow , this — this turquoise was really brings out your eyes . ”
Ophira : But I just think — I really do think , like , the weirdest affair is that humans are unbelievably flexible , and that if some — if you just go like 20 more , 20 more days in a tubing , like … I would call for to do some hasheesh scar on the rampart .
Arturo : Oh yeah , that ’s what — that ’s what you would — in a prison too ? That ’s what you would do . That ’s –
Ophira : Yeah . But I would also do it in the tube . It would be a … a different form of prison .
Arturo : gladiolus that we sleep with how you would spend your days inside a submarine .
Ophira : And I ’d be like , “ you know what ? I can excogitate in the morning . ” Like , I ’d find the upsides .
Arturo : Nobody ’s asking you to do sh*t , like — so in this sub , in this scenario , nobody wants you to do anything around the submarine . You ’re just kinda like there and like , having like … just like , work on yourself , you know , working on –
Ophira : It ’s me time . It ’s me sentence , child .
Arturo : It ’s me time underwater .
These uracil - gravy boat , right , because they ’re filled with f***ing psychopaths — they’re fill with guys like Jurgen Wattenberg and he was a naval ship’s officer who already had one prison escape under his belt . Also , I ’d like to suppose that he only responded to his name when it was like , warble at him , like “ Jurgen . Hi , I ’m Jurgen . ” Like , it ’s just like hard to see somebody scared like , “ hi , I ’m Juhurgen . Hi , I ’m Johurgen . ” Um –
Ophira : He seems so nice , so gentle .
Arturo:“Uh , smell , he’s — he ’s stroke the antelope in such a beautiful way . ”
So at the commencement of the state of war , Jurgen was one — was on the crew of a German battlewagon . His crew lose a fight off the seashore of Uruguay , and Wattenberg navigate his damaged ship to land , but was captured . He escape from a prison there and made his way back to Germany where he was treated like a f***ing hero –
Ophira : Oh , yeah .
Arturo:–and then civilise to command a German hero sandwich , correct ?
Jurgen ’s uranium - boat sank 14 ships in 1942 , including a pile of civilian cargo ship . He was eventually captured nor'-east of Trinidad and sent to the desert with the first batch of German soldier in 1944 . So when hoi polloi like Wattenberg were slipping out of the American prison , and ride around in trucks , it did actually ruffle some feathering in the Army rank . They made some change to the security department of Papago Park — for instance , the most disobliging of the captive were all put together into a single area of the prison : chemical compound 1A.
Ophira : That ’s what I would do . Take all the baddies and put ’em together so they can intrigue .
Arturo : stunned f***ing estimate , huh ?
Ophira : Yes !
Arturo : They’re like , “ nah , they ’re , they ’re , they ’re all the worst . Yeah . Put ’em there together . They ’ll learn from each other . ”
Ophira : I mean , that is –
Arturo:“They’ll be very frightened . ”
Ophira : Yeah , right . They’re — right , on the button . So they can all chat and be like , “ who ’s got the best idea ? Perfect . You . ”
Arturo : So the American prison house safety bear on to underestimate the prisoners . And that was a mistake with serious event .
CHAPTER 3: Blind Spots
Arturo : When German prisoners were captured by the Americans during World War II , the first stop consonant was Fort Hunt in Virginia , where they would be questioned thoroughly . When it amount to German submarine officer , the U.S. Navy would take the first crack at wonder them . So they ’re hoping to learn everything from submarine sandwich technology to fleet movements , secret codes and training methods , and astrology house , stuff like that . So what do you think the U.S. armed services was doing to make German prisoner talk during World War II ?
Ophira : I guess you could go two tactics . It could be torture . That would be the — that would be like , one tactic just to excruciate them . And the other tactic would be , like , uh , butter them up , make ’em your friends so they would give you all the information .
Arturo : That ’s exactly what [ they ] did . They , to get ’em to talk , the Navy interrogators made them super comfortable .
They house them in cozy way where they had plenty of food and Book and magazine at their garbage disposal . They had a swimming pool , play card , cigarette , and liquor . This is not a jest . Can you f***ing believe ?
Ophira : Oh . Yep .
Arturo : So this was during wartime rationing too . So opine how you would ’ve felt if you were a New Yorker at the time and you learn that this is what they were getting when everybody else had to like tighten their swath , you know ?
Ophira : Right , back then all the New Yorkers had to eat on the garbage food of the fourth dimension , which was oysters .
Arturo : oyster . Yeah . They were all junket on lobsters and oysters and we ’re like , “ what the f * * * ? They — they get meatloaf ? ” Also , you know , not to go on a full tangent , but , uh , I do n’t think people talk a portion about how instrumental the Canadian Army and Canadian military was in bring home the bacon World War II .
Ophira : Yeah , thank you .
Arturo : My grandfather or my grand — or my step grandfather I venture , was — fought , and so did all of his brothers from Owen Sound . And it ’s unbelievable what they did on D - Day . And I do n’t recollect in picture show — I mean , in movies , they ’re barely mentioned , but I … I just do n’t think it ’s in the general psyche .
Ophira : Because Canada , if you think about right now , we do n’t think of a Canadian military presence or even a sight of money put towards military , or that even being let the cat out of the bag about . I have been enquire before , you know , like , “ well , what – ”
Arturo:“Canadian argon — ground forces . What ? ”
Ophira : Yeah . “ What ? ” And sometimes I just say , “ yeah , we have a cannon in one of our museum . ”
Arturo : Another thing that they used to , to butter these guy cable up is that one American Navy guy , uh , let sexual activity worker in to entertain some of their German prisoners
Ophira : Well , listen , I would’ve — I would ’ve chop , like , block about the pool . Just do sex workers and butt . Like why ? Why are you spending your money on the relaxation of it ?
Arturo : Yeah , so when things inside the prison house felt like they were actually turn peaceful in the pin of 1944 , the sentry go really should have known that they were being tranquilize into a false sense of surety . They even brush off this big sign that said “ ve vant to lam . ” It did n’t seem to wish really register with them . They ’re like , “ that ’s uncanny . ”
Ophira:“We are escaping . ” It just — crossed out , all the time .
Arturo:“It ’s happening presently , ” and they ’re like , “ oh my God , their , their arts and crafts have really improved , you guys ! ”
Ophira:“That ’s reliable . I care all these signs . I feel like it ’s like word art . ”
Arturo : They seem like , you know , Amy — Amy Poehler andMean Girlswhere she ’s like , “ I ’m cool mammy . ” Like , they ’re like , “ I ’m just like , coolheaded . I ’m just like here to support . ”
Ophira:“I bang that they have positive affirmation . You know what ? We ’re all get off ! ”
Arturo:“You are seen , you are loved . ”
One American officer in commission of security measures at Papago Park would afterwards say that he had a bad feeling about Compound 1A. Oh yeah .
Ophira : Oh , a sorry notion !
Arturo : Oh , a bad feeling . Good for you , champion . You hero , go on .
Ophira : That is a what ? That ’s a routine - one dimension I ’m look for in a safety . “ Hey , do you — do you ever have high-risk flavour about things ? ”
Arturo:“I’m not gon na go see to it , but serviceman , I feel kind of uneasy about it , might be the oysters that they keep shipping down from New York . ”
Ophira:“Does anyone else sense sickening ? ”
Arturo : Mostly because there was a place in the eye — he feel bad because there was a place in the midsection that — of it that could n’t be seen from any of the safety towers . So in other words , it was a blind spot .
Ophira : That was known , a known blind spot .
Arturo : And they ’re like , “ cat , that does n’t seem like a sound idea , but I ’m not gon na go wait in there . ”
Ophira:“Let ’s ignore the unreasoning office . How about you ? ”
Arturo : So — so the security system officer later on said that he jazz that the Germans were too wise not to notice a blind spot , and he thought it did n’t make any sense to put all the smart prisoners right next to it .
Ophira : Oh my — this is the comedy of errors in prison expressive style .
Arturo : This should tell you something about this bozo . He also said that the Nazis were a clustering of fine men , so f * * * that guy wire .
Ophira : Well we know , we — I see what ’s happening here .
Arturo : You do n’t sympathize what they ’re getting . I find like they were enamored . There ’s enamorment by these prison guard .
Ophira : Whose side were they on ? Where ’s the gram molecule ?
Arturo : Where ’s the breakwater ? Oh my God , I fuck that world TV serial . Do n’t get me started .
Ophira : Oh , it was big .
Arturo : So dear . So they really should have know well than putting all the most raging , most troublesome , the most consecrate Nazis together in one compound . But for some reason , that ’s precisely what they f***ing did .
CHAPTER 4: The Devil’s Playground
Arturo : The first affair that the German captains did in Compound 1A was a little landscape gardening . They started plat out flower bed and generally work on on a architectural plan to adorn the place or so it seemed . The other part of the routine was screak . That ’s true . The guards started getting regular ailment from Jurgen Wattenberg . He whined about the food , he whined about the work . He mostly whine that he was a high - rank ship’s officer and he did n’t think it was fair that he was being treated like a prisoner . He especially did n’t like it when low - ranking guards were telling him what to do . And just , uh , God . Can you consider ?
Ophira : Wow . So what did they do to make him feel good ? I know they were on it . I know they were like , “ we have a problem , everybody . ”
Arturo : I sleep with that you ’re like , “ I know that that they did n’t get him — they did not let this one serviceman go through such woe . ”
Ophira : Anything I have intercourse about this account is they were like , “ I — everyone , meet — emergency group meeting ! ”
Arturo : They were like , “ oh my God , we ’re so , so , so mortified . ”
Ophira:“Jurgen is pitiful . ”
Arturo : Jurgen is [ laughs]—“you guys , you guys , lamentable . Yeah . ” “ Is it a report about the war ? ” “ No , no , no . It ’s worse . Jurgen . ”
Ophira:“Jurgen ’s sad . He does n’t wanna plant daffodils today . ”
Arturo : So it was n’t a surprisal when one twenty-four hour period Jurgen draw exit the camp commanding officer and asked for some spadeful , for the — for the bloom bed , you know ?
Ophira : And of path they were like , “ we will give you the biggest , heaviest shovels . ”
Arturo:“Oh my God . Do you need a tractor ? Because I — I have one . This , it ’s all – ”
Ophira:“We have these guns that look like shovels . Do you require those ? ”
Arturo : Oh my God . So for somehow oddball reason , the Army guards decided that they should f***ing agree . And yes , the gardening tools were supposed to be under faithful watch , but still –
Ophira : Nothing is ! How can the gardening –
Arturo : Nothing is !
Ophira : How can the gardening –
Arturo : None of them happened to notice when a pickax went absent and the gardens were bolt down up all over the –
Ophira : expect a second . It ’s not like in the — like a classic flick where you look at the shed and there ’s a shadow of where the pickax was suppose to go –
Arturo : Like — yeah , exactly .
Ophira:–on the wall , and you ’re like , “ ah . ”
Arturo : And they ’re like “ what is this ? Oh , well , it must be what an interesting invention the — the shed maker , uh , create here . ”
So the — they were start out everywhere with the gardens . There ’s gardens everywhere . So that ’s when the Germans came up with the next idea . They asked the guards if they could have a sports field in their chemical compound . They needed more digging instrument and also rakes that they could expend to smooth out the dirt into a nice horizontal surface playacting field .
Ophira : Oh , and what are they play precisely ?
Arturo : Oh , oh , well , take a guess , what do you remember they ’re playact ?
Ophira : Uh , I think they ’re bet , uh … shroud all of the tools and maybe killing , uh , the guard so they can get away .
Arturo : They started create a volleyball court in the eye of Compound 1A.
Ophira : Volleyball , yeah .
Arturo : And at least that ’s what it look like to the guards . I mean , they ’re like , yeah . But they called it the “ volleyball - courten . ” And behind their back , the German U - gravy holder crews were actually work on a different project — surprise , surprisal . They were actually working furiously to prod a tunnel under the prison fence .
Arturo : Do you have sex where it bulge out ?
Ophira : Um –
Arturo : In the unsighted patch .
Ophira : Yeah , of class . I — I was just gon na say the chemical compound where all the smarty pant are .
Arturo : A hundred and fifty per centum .
Ophira : Evil , evil , smarty pants dudes .
Arturo : Yeah , and it was right next to the bathhouse . So to get easy access , the prisoners loosen the board in the bathing machine wall . Anytime they were going into their tunnel , they would walk in the door of their bathhouse , sneak out to the back wall , and then get to study . And when they were done , it was back into the bathing machine and out the door again . envisage if you ’re a guard and , you ’re just like , thinking that the Germans are showering for like , three hours at a fourth dimension .
Ophira : I reckon we have established these guard are not thinking .
Arturo : No .
Ophira : They’re not thinking at all .
Arturo : They’re like , “ man , guys get really sporty . ”
Ophira : Are you certain the sex worker were n’t hanging out with the guards ? Because these precaution seem oblivious to their job .
Arturo : They are just completely distracted . They were playact — the guards were playing volleyball game this intact time . They were just –
Ophira : Like , “ we love playing with them . They ’re very good at volleyball . ”
Arturo : So the biggest challenge for the digging Nazis was what to do with the shite as they made progress on the tunnel .
Ophira : Oh .
Arturo : And at first they tried flushing it down the throne in the bathhouse –
Ophira : Yeah .
Arturo:–but as you know , it clogged the pipe –
[ Toilet burble speech sound ]
Ophira : dewy-eyed mistake .
Arturo:–and put on the line their plans . Don’t — don’t do that sound again , please . I will f***ing become flat . Stop . Oh my god .
Ben : It ’s a real sh*tty sound . Sorry , dude .
Arturo : Oh my God . So what ’s … what — I’m … mind : this is not a query of mine , but my producers want me to do it . So what is your best / worst clogged john experience ?
Ophira : Oh my God .
Arturo : My God .
Ophira : OK . I have one . It ’s very female - centric . I ’m not embarrassed by it , but I bet you will be .
Arturo : I’m not . Three sisters . Go . Shoot .
Ophira : That ’s true . OK . So I ’m a , uh , a budding young teenager . And , uh , I have a menses like — like young teens do , and I ’m still getting used to how , uh , how everything work with the products .
Ophira : And basically , you know , we lived in a firm that had a very , um , ancient cloaca system that you were not –
Arturo : It was one of those , you had to pull the chain , like , it was like , theGodfathertype .
Ophira : Yeah , right . It was a arm on a pipe . Uh , but no , it was always like , you have intercourse , do n’t even like , put the safe toilet paper down it kind of thing . But , you know , I ’m a — I’m a young teen girl . I ’m on the run and I ’m self - obsessed with me . And I had my own room in the basement and there was a privy there . And anyways , it got clogged up . It was overflowing . fundamentally , um , swamp the full cellar , but it was n’t … nothing could be seen . What — it was just water . And so my female parent had to , you have sex , hire a plumber . They went into another room in the basement , take up asunder these ancient pipes that had n’t been get hold of asunder in hundreds of years . Yeah , there was like lead poison monition , and then they pulled out one super tampon .
Arturo : Holy smokes .
Ophira : It was , uh , it was rinsed clean , so it was just whitened in caseful you –
Arturo : I mean , I do n’t care what it was , I — I’m just surprised by the f***ing enlargement –
Ophira : It was basically like a — a cotton plant umbrella had opened up inside of that tobacco pipe .
Arturo : Were you pass as a teenage girlfriend when you found this out ?
Ophira : I was like , I — full abnegation . Full denial . “ Oh , I — I do n’t employ those . ”
Arturo:“That was Dad , that was f***ing Dad … and we demand to talk about what the f * * * he ’s doing in those bathrooms . ” Also , it did n’t help with the plumbers were all shirtless and incredibly red-hot . Like , so furious .
Ophira : Yeah , there was men as far as the eye could see in every direction .
Arturo : The clog[ged ] pipes bring us to the blossom bed in the volleyball game homage . Once those undertaking had been approved , the German captive bulge out smuggling dirt out in the open . Right — raking it evenly across the volleyball tourist court and mixing it into the planting soil . Once the guards got used to seeing piles of dirt scatter around , they did n’t really think much of it . Even when the piles seemed to never get any pocket-size , they ’re like , “ ah , that ’s f***ing unearthly . ” The digging prisoners took it in tour to turn through October , November , and into December . Outside the fence , there was a drain ditch they had to get past , which meant that the tunnel had to go even deeper underground . Now to light the tunnel , the Germans used a exclusive bulb on the bare wire that link up back through the burrow into a socket in the bathhouse .
Ophira : Are you kidding me ? They had like a — they — well , I pretend engineers and all this work together .
Arturo : Of course the weewee and stripped wiring meant that the wire shocked them as they work[ed ] , which makes me f***ing laugh . Now , digging the burrow was only one part of the readiness . The Germans had also started storing solid food , function , and other provision for the journeying . They hammer paper by make U.S. government stamps that they could use to okay document . look at the map –
Ophira : I’m sorry , did you say they made them ?
Arturo : Yes , they forged papers by making government legal tender .
Ophira : They’re — this is not just flower bed and … what is happening in these rock ? What sort of –
Arturo : I know . It ’s just like , you screw — they have that military mentality and like sort of like , f***ing –
Ophira : You know , and every 24-hour interval they ’re just asking for more materials . They ’re like , “ we ’re gon na need some , uh , paper . We ’re – ”
Arturo:“It ’s not related , but we ’re gon na need a swimsuit . Uh , we ’re gon na need , uh , we ’re gon na need a … do you Guy have a void cleansing agent up here ? ”
Ophira:“Do you have a printing press ? We — we’re gon na take a impress press . ”
Arturo : It was the start of 3D printing process . Not a lot of people do it this .
So looking at the mathematical function , three of the Germans even decided that they were gon na build a gravy boat . They saw that the Gila River ran to the south into Mexico . So they plan to carry a batch through the burrow and expend it to float to freedom . God .
Ophira : Wow .
Arturo : So , OK , this is dotty . They tested out each part of their sauceboat in the prison house bathtub before take apart it to be convey through the burrow .
Ophira : What kind of beautiful , large - size bathtub — first of all , prisons do n’t have bathtubs .
Arturo : It was pincer metrical unit . It was just always just , like , palm trees around .
Ophira : Fantastic .
Arturo : So one of the craziest things the Germans engineered was a makeshift receiving set receiver . They used conducting wire , razor blade , and other salvaged piece of equipment , and they tapped into the prison house ’s barbed wire fence to use it as an antenna . The receiving set liquidator was so effective that they were able to clean up Nazi radio broadcasts from the German propaganda ministry . It allowed them to follow the word of the war from the Nazi linear perspective . Can you believe ?
Ophira : I — how — I think , again , why did they have to do all of this ? They could have just enunciate , “ we need a radio set and a transmitter . ”
Arturo : They’re like — they’re going — you’re rightfield . Why did n’t they just demand ?
Ophira : They just — they’re vex everything else . Like , “ I need it for … I need to — I like to talk to people when I — I’m bathe . ”
Arturo : Yeah . Like , “ Hey Sandy , how — how is it run ? How is little Jurgen ? ”
Arturo : Also , like , I do n’t love , you jazz , not — not because of the story , but it ’s just in cosmopolitan . I have some friends that are so ready to hand at build sh*t outta nothing , and I just realized how ill - equipped I would be for the Revelation , you know what I ’m say ? I ’d just like be wandering around , [ being ] like , “ does anybody need acting ? ”
Ophira : Oh dude , commit me . I have mean about this a million times . I ’d be like , “ I ’m gon na lighten the mood . ”
Arturo : So because they had a tuner when the Nazi Army found the Battle of the Bulge in Europe in December 1944 , the prisoner in Compound 1A were able to follow along and celebrate the advance of the German tanks across Belgium . Which in and of itself , the Battle of the Bulge was a f***ing harebrained plan by a drug - addicted Hitler . And I do n’t know how — how much you know about it , but –
Ophira : I do n’t . Matter of fact , when you say “ fight of the Bulge , ” I was like , “ that ’s where we get it from ? ”
Arturo : Yeah , I hope not .
Ophira : Because I was just like , “ I ’ve only try this in context of like , dumb weight loss , but obviously it ’s – ”
Arturo : Oh really ? I have never heard the terminus outside of the — exterior of the engagement . essentially , he knew he was losing the warfare , he was losing in the eastern United States and now he had gotten invaded in D - Day in the Dame Rebecca West . So f***ing absolute deoxyephedrine head that he was , he decided to throw everything , everything he had –
Ophira : Full motor hotel press .
Arturo : Full judicature crush so that they could make it to the port , but they were all the way support out to Germany , I believe . And it worked at first , which is the half-baked matter . They threw all their tank , every available tank commanders over to the Allies . And then in the Ardennes Forest was when they finally stopped because nobody sent them with extra fuel . They just had to direct that they have enough fuel to get to a embrasure and then enamor the fuel supply . But if it did n’t influence , there ’s just no tip to this fing progression , because if they had no fuel , it would get fed .
Ophira : Yeah , just done .
Arturo : Number one . And number two , they did n’t have enough troops to hold any of this territory . So it was literally just an insane f***ing –
Ophira : felo-de-se for all these people .
Arturo : It was just shuddery sort of to the ally because you ’re getting attacked outta another . You ’re just like , “ you ca n’t f**ing gain this . Why are we fighting ? ” And it just goes to show you how fanatical mass were in listen to every decree , even if it made no horse sense , and it intend their death . So now that , you know , I — I sleep with this . Some World War II historians are gon na fact match the sht outta me .
Ophira : If anyone writes in to fact check you on anything , just realize you ’ve made their day , give them a cause .
Arturo : That is it . That ’s it . They ’ve spent 24 hours .
Ophira : They’re so happy mighty now .
Arturo:“Actually veh veh veh … ”
So back in the German camp , well , five days before Christmas , the burrow was over . Both ends were disguised with board and brush , and it was time to put the sleep of their escape plan into action .
CHAPTER 5: Hi Ho, Hi Ho
On the night of December 23 , 1944 , the German prisoners confound a political party next door in compound 1B. The safeguard tried to shut them down a few time , so they were busy going in and out of colonial 1B all nighttime .
Ophira : A few times ! How about one ? Here ’s how it works at a prison : one !
Arturo:“Guys , end so , so loud . ”
Ophira:“All right . It ’s fun . It ’s fun . I get it . ”
Arturo : So the hushed — the unruffled compound 1A get no attention . Just before 9 p.m. the escape programme began .
The 25 soldiers organized into pocket-size three - man flight group and start dropping down into the burrow . The burrow was almost 200 invertebrate foot farseeing , and it crossed under two lines of fences , and even the margin road that went around the parking area . It take more than half an hour for each chemical group to crawl through to the other side . Prisoners who stayed behind in Papago Park close up the tunnel once they were through .
What would you guess if you were just one of the dudes that was left behind , like , “ but you are amount back , correct ? Like , I just went here . ”
Ophira : Well , this looks like they ’re like , “ you guy cable befuddle a party while we elude . ” I ’d be like , “ That – No , no . waitress a second . No , no . ”
Arturo : Yeah , yeah , yeah . They ’re like , “ oh you bozo escaped ? That was what the party was for ? ” Like , people that were oblivious to it were like , “ await , what the — I was have a f***ing great time . ”
Ophira : Yeah . With just , like , a blower . Just like , “ whoa , hey . Oh . ”
Arturo : Uh , the far end of the tunnel opened into a clump of bush on the banking company of a nearby channel . As the Man go to emerge , they determine that it was raining super intemperately . It was a frigid December desert rainfall , but all the same , it would help screen their escape .
Ophira : So they even got favourable with the weather . That never happens .
Arturo : For — just for a little while . As each flight group had made it through the transit , they slue down into the canal where the water was about 3 feet deep . If they stayed scurvy , the escapees could then wade quietly ahead , and the duct banks would keep them out of sight for — from any prison guard look their path .
How the f * * * the Army thought that this was inescapable when there ’s like an leakage highway right outdoors ? I , I will never sleep together .
Ophira : Also like when — when you ’re build a tunnel , do n’t you imagine like when you get to the end , like , you would n’t just be like , “ OK , now I ’m gon na go back and look for the programme . ” Would n’t you just go , “ well , see ya . ”
Arturo : Yeah , yeah , yeah . They ’re like –
Ophira : Just pop out .
Arturo : I don’t — I would n’t have the wherewithal to be like — I’m like , “ f * * * those guy . They ’re take a political party . I ’m just like , I’m — I’m just gon na pelt it out . ”
Ophira:“Outta here . ”
Arturo:“I’m just gon na run fast and make a lot of noise . I think that ’s how you get away . ”
So once the Germans move far enough to be out of sight of the prison , the flight of stairs grouping went their disjoined ways . They all look for topographic point to lay low . The three men carrying the pieces of the boat marched west towards Phoenix . They found a public school that was unlocked and they run inside , where they prepare for their journeying down the Gila River , which they would strain the very next 24-hour interval . Captain Jurgen Wattenberg took the other two men and march northwest into the hills around Phoenix . They chance a cave where they would hide out and diagram their next move . And with that , 25 German Navy man had achieve the largest mass relief valve from any American prison house camp in World War II .
Ophira : Dun dun dun .
Arturo : But for some of these escapee , the journey did not last long . One 22 - yr - old soldier only lasted one 24-hour interval because after being pounded by cold rainwater — here we go — souse in the frigid canal and trying to eat on a meal of dry bread stinker that he had packed for himself in his pocket — which is so f***ing unintelligent and have me laugh .
Ophira : That ’s like ridiculous . One of them was dumb .
Arturo : One of them was improbably obtuse . He was the guy cable that was like , “ I recollect we were start back to the party . I do n’t know what we were doing out here . ”
So he hitchhike directly to the local sheriff and asked to be make for back to the prison . The sheriff promise Papago Park just as prison house officials were let on the missing human race the next day . Also , the desert gets really fing cold at night . So I ’m just thinking especially in winter , you get rainfall , you ’re uh , fed .
Ophira : Can you opine how great your life is at that prison house if you escape and with the predilection of freedom , you go , “ this is operose . I should go back . ”
Arturo:“I’m operate back with the sex study stuff and like … yeah , they have baths , they have pes cavus baths , like – ”
Ophira : Like no one — no one does that . No one ’s like , “ I ’m a prisoner of war in another land . I escaped and it ’s like , feels difficult and I ’m hungry . ”
Arturo : A hundred and fifty per centum . You are so fing right . Like , there is no prison house where you — exactly , where you ’re like , where you all of a sudden do n’t have a fing five - course repast , and you ’re like , “ actually I do n’t . I — I’m not — it ’s not for me . ”
Ophira:“This freedom affair . Yeah . ”
Arturo:“Not for me . ”
Ophira:“I liked it — I liked it when I had friends . ”
Arturo : What a great power point [ you ] made . So other flight groups have been less golden in trying to regain floater to cover . So alternatively of empty school day and farms , at least two of them went directly into a farmhouse and knock on the door on Christmas Eve asking for food and protection . They were quickly wrench in .
Ophira : Finally !
Arturo : They’re like , “ no , no , no . Not on Christmas . ” They ’re like , “ well , not Christmas . Any other day , yes , we would have you picking cantaloupe . ” The Army jumped in –
Ophira:“But today it ’s family . ”
Arturo : Yeah , that ’s right . “ Today ’s about family , ” and it was Vin Diesel in reality at the time , get all of ’em . So they — they prognosticate in the FBI , the Border Patrol , and every other agency that would lend a hand . A reward was extend of $ 25 for each German POW captured . That ’s like $ 400 of today ’s money , but I do n’t screw , mankind .
Ophira : Yeah . No , not enough .
Arturo : It does n’t seem like they were trying very hard , right ?
Ophira : No , no . Like I — how much do you get when you winThe Voice ?
Arturo : They’re like , “ I do n’t acknowledge . We got $ 20 and a bus mountain pass . Anybody , um , any takers ? ”
Ophira : Yeah . It should be equivalent to $ 1 million .
Arturo : A hundred percentage . So ranchers , farmers , and local trackers all come out comb out the desert . Once they found the captive ’s tracks , it was in reality passably easy . Most of the flight groups were caught as they seek to cross the desert on foot , but cryptical V physique had been cut into the sole of the prisoner ’s place . So their track easily stood out . They ’re like , “ it ’s either here or there ’s like some mighty offensive ostrich walking around . ”
Ophira : Oh , that ’s hilarious . No one ever intend to do that , to change their shoes or whatever .
Arturo : Change the shoe , no . So each footprint had a slight arrow — like , literally , it had a little pointer pointing in the direction that they went . So –
Ophira:“This way ! This direction . ” This is getting more and more Road Runner every single second .
Arturo : Yeah . But what about the three boatman ?
Ophira : Yeah !
Arturo : You know , they might have actually escaped if there was n’t a major flaw in their maritime plan . Not with the boat , heed you . That worked majuscule because they tried it out in their beautiful claw foot bathtub . But they dragged it 30 nautical mile over the desert , and at last they ’d reached the Gila River . And here , my friends , was the defect . Germans had assumed that if the map showed a river , they would count on a river . But what they did n’t bang was that by December , the Gila River was hardly more than a trickle running through puddle of mud . So there was no way they could swim –
Ophira : Dry as one could be .
Arturo:–their fing boat . Got you , motherfers . [ Airhorn ] Hey valet , I can just — I’m so … it just afford me such joy , like think … like essay to just wish , splosh through the sh*t . Like , “ it ’s not working . It ’s not working . ”
Ophira : Just chummy clay and shale , and you ’ve spent hours build up a boat out of the all right materials in America .
Arturo : A hundreddays . Yeah , you could have been been playing volleyball game this entire time .
Ophira : Yeah , smelling roses .
Arturo : They seek to discover deep spots to found , but they could never go down more than a short stretch of the mucky riverbed before they would get stuck again . Eventually , they abandoned the boat and decide to take the air . Two daytime after when they stopped for a breather , two of the men repose down for a nap , and the third determine he would take a tub and wash his underwear . OK . And that ’s what he was doing when the cowboy catch up with him . They literally found him with his pants down .
Ophira : Ah .
CHAPTER 7: Capturing the Fugitives, Ending the War
Ophira : Oh yeah .
Arturo : So f**ing haha , you Nazi piece of sht . So just like — so , just like the Battle of the Bulge –
Ophira : A small Tarantino , uh , hail into this podcast all of a sudden .
Arturo : Yeah . So , ha ha ha . Yeah . “ Hey , what I like , what I like is stories . I wish chronicle cause it ’s fun because it ’s fun , violence , it ’s fun . ” So that ’s my terrible Quentin Tarantino feeling .
Ophira : That was pretty skilful .
Arturo : Uh , I guess I ’m not getting cast on his last picture . Sht . Um , so just like the Battle of the Bulge , the escape was a big Nazi programme that made splashy headlines before terminate in complete f**ing failure .
And the last German arrest was whiny little Jurgen Wattenberg . He managed to hide out in his cave until the terminal of January when he attempt to make his way to a train in Phoenix . He went to a hotel , had dinner , and then asked a gas post accompaniment the path to the caravan station . Now , fortunately , the accompaniment had greet Wattenberg . The Arizona Republichad just published a story about him that morning title “ The Big Shot Still at big . ” When the police check Wattenberg , he said , “ I ’m the big shot you are looking for . ”
Ophira : Oh my God . The guy had way too much ego for his own good . Ego killed that dude .
Arturo : F * * * that guy wire . Yeah . So in the remnant , all of the Germans were recaptured in the state of Arizona . People around Phoenix were especially furious whenTheArizona Republicreported some of the escapees were caught with milk , gum tree , tobacco plant , and slab of Sir Francis Bacon in their f***ing packs . It was unmortgaged — just slab of some just dense swing bacon .
Ophira : Bacon , which by the style , 1st Baron Verulam as you may know , is at — and I ’m certain at the meter — the , the luxury food . That is the luxury food for thought of all of the foods .
Arturo : Oh my God , I would f***in — there ’s very small I wo n’t do for some fatheaded - cutting Francis Bacon .
Ophira : It was the most expensive . If you raise pigs , it means that you don’t — you’re , like , because pigs are , um , they do n’t do anything else .
Arturo : They just exist and they — they cuddle and then they drop dead for you to have some bacon . Yeah .
Ophira : Yeah . Basically , yeah .
Arturo : All of our vegan — all of our vegan attender are like , “ f * * * you guys . We make out how it exploit . We ’ve been secern you for century . ” Sorry , guy wire .
Um , so it was clear that the prisoners had been generate thing that were scarce at the clock time , while most of the commonwealth was rationing for the war . The papers made certain to point out that the prison at Papago Park held the most ruthless and rabid Nazis . For example , like f***ing Jurgen . After , in 1945 , he got sent back to Germany . There , he put his prison experience to good employment . He became the branch manager of the Bavaria and St. Pauly Brewery in Lübech .
Ophira : Are you kidding me ? This guy — talk about fail up . They talk about men failing up in life , but this guy .
Arturo : Oh my God . But like , Nazis f***ing failing up produce me particularly mad .
Ophira : It ’s insanity . A brewery . He ’s like , “ you know – ”
Arturo : They’re like , “ give him a beer . Give — OK , ok . We will teach him this example . Give him a beer . Give him as many beer as he need . ”
Ophira:“Yeah , Jurgen ’s pay back a couple taradiddle . ” Oh , really ? Does Jurgen have a match stories ?
Arturo : And the brewery has since been smash . But the legend say that you may still get wind his fretful little sh*tty voice on the southwest wind .
[ Wind strait ]
That ’s it . That ’s the strait . That ’s the strait . pick up it ? “ I am Wattenberg . ”
Outro
Arturo : And that is our story . give thanks you so much , Ophira , for coming .
Ophira : You know what Jurgen is the golden –
Arturo : Motherf***er .
Ophira : Complain - iest motherf***er I ’ve ever heard about .
Arturo : What is — what is the crowing takeaway from this story ? What do you intend you ’re gon na remember from it ?
Ophira : You know , if you look at it from the point of view — is that in the beginning , you know , at one dot in the fib we were talking about how the Germans were spoil , uh , in order for the Americans to get , um , information out of them , that was the manoeuvre . But if you bet at this crazy , like … insanity of the modus vivendi they were given , how stupid these guards were in Arizona , you just like — I’m amazed that any of this was potential .
Arturo : Listen , I have ta tell you , this has been some of the most playfulness I ’ve had during an episode .
Ophira : Aw . That ’s very unfermented . I lie with — I know , I learned a minuscule something , so give thanks you , Arturo .
Arturo : Thank you . Well , I on the face of it — when they fact checked me , it turns out that none of this was straight . But , uh , we acquire — we learned together . But the antelope matter was true . When — uh , for our hearer , where — where can they find you ?
Ophira : Oh , they can detect me in all the social , @OphiraE , and uh , I wreak all around . I ’m tour all around . you could also heed to my podcastParenting is a Jokeon iHeart , hebdomadal episodes .
Arturo : Thank you so much , Ophira . We ’ll see you next time
Ophira : I’ll see you next time .
Arturo : Bruh bruh brow . [ airhorn ] And here ’s some Oompa music to play us out .
Credits
Arturo Castro : Greatest Escapesis a product of iHeartRadio and FilmNation Entertainment , in association with Gilded Audio . Our executive manufacturer are me , Arturo Castro , Alyssa Martino and Milan Popelka from FilmNation Entertainment , Andrew Chugg and Whitney Donaldson from Gilded Audio , and Dylan Fagan from iHeartRadio .
The show is produced and delete by Carl Nellis and Ben Chugg , who are also , respectively , our enquiry overlord and music overlord . Our associate producer is Tory Smith , who is our other overlord .
Nick Dooley is our technical music director . Additional editing by Whitney Donaldson . Special thanks to Alison Cohen , Dan Welsh , Ben Ryzack , Sara Joyner , Nicki Stein , Olivia Canny , and Kelsey Albright .
Hey , thank you so much for take heed , and if you ’re relish the show , please leave a rating or follow-up . My mom will call you each in person and give thanks you , and we ’ll see you all next calendar week .
