Beware The Deadly Robotic Coffee Pot!

You ’re in all likelihood already a fan of British comedian and writerBen Elton , thanks to his employment on shows like Blackadder and The Young Ones . But did you sleep together he ’s also a kick - arse skill fiction novelist ?

Elton has written about a dozen novels , in between working on comedy TV shows like Blackadder and musical comedy like the Queen - themed We Will Rock You . His books are a lot bigger in the U.K. than in the U.S. , but you may definitely find them here . They ’re all outrageous , if middling obvious , political satires , with broad caricatures of British societal “ eccentric , ” but they ’re also screamingly comical and sick . ( Often approaching Blackadder at its honest . ) And they frequently include science fancied storyline .

In particular , I ’m a immense fan of his early novels , like Stark , Gridlock andThis Other Eden . In Stark , it ’s the near future and the Earth is being destroyed by earthquakes and other disaster , so a fistful of rich hoi polloi decide to build a fleet of rockets and get off to the Moon , to feel a raw colony there . In Gridlock , an inventor named Geoffrey invents a cheap , environmentally harmless atomic number 1 - powered machine , and so the car industry decide to have him mangle . ( In a clownlike wry twist , the novel ’s culmination revolves around all the quality attempt to get off but being stuck in a traffic jamming . ) And in This Other Eden , someone contrive a eccentric of biosphere called a “ Claustrosphere , ” which allows air , water and other resource to be recycled endlessly , thus allowing its inhabitants to take to the woods from the environmental devastation of the rest of the Earth .

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Probably a lot of people ’s eyes glaze over when they see the word “ political ” and “ satire , ” but Elton ’s committal to writing is really rum and demented . It ’s full of sentence like , “ Old Big Beard was as mad as a man with no pass who bring forth a collection of balaclava helmets for Christmas . ” ( I did bring up it was very Blackadder - y , did n’t I ? )

Some of the funniest parts of Gridlock , in special , address with the main part Geoffrey , who hurt from cerebral palsy . Elton go out of his way to base forcible comedy around Geoffrey ’s disablement , which might make you uncomfortable — in which casing Elton has succeeded in his destination . A running subject in Gridlock is that Geoffrey is able-bodied to conceal from the machine - industry execs who want to kill him to suppress his atomic number 1 - power motor , because nobody ever pay any attention Geoffrey ’s private life or call back he was capable of anything much , due to his disability .

Geoffrey is a confrontational disability activist who almost changed his last name from “ Peason ” to “ Spasmo , ” and who taste to embark on a wheelchair offshoot of the Hells Angels . He spends a passel of the book outwitting goon and on occasion actually kill them using only his wits and an assortment of odd gadgets . In the book ’s best view , two guys come to kill Geoffrey at his home , and he kills one of them with a robotic arm he ’s invented to open wine nursing bottle . ( The automatic sleeve stops right next to the man ’s rear end , and then the corkscrew frivol away inside him and pump long ton of compressed air into his arteria . ) And then the 2nd man levels his gun at Geoffrey just as another robotlike arm lowers Geoffrey ’s coffee weed full of steam hot coffee towards the man ’s straits :

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As the humanity cocked his shooting iron the burnt umber pot appear from behind him and levitated upwards until it hovered above his head . Geoffrey had literally only second in which to act , but to his lasting mention , he set up the time to be nerveless . Making a huge effort to gain control of his phonation he enquired : “ Do you take sugar ? ”

Without waiting for a response , Geofrrye again hit the release on his remote control , and a dry pint of boiling coffee condescend on Frank . Fortunately , Frank did not fire , instead he screamed in torture and began to hop-skip about . Geoffrey ’s plan , as far as he had one , was at this dot to seek to get out the door , beg he would have time to slip up out before Frank recovered sufficiently to kill him . However , as Frank hopped about , fate hopped in beside Geoffrey and extend him an altogether more satisfacotry course of action of natural action . Frank ’s agonized jumps had put down him bang on top of the volatile lifting platform . Geoffrey had designate the platform to be used for purposes such as mystify wheelchairs into buses , or the paralyzed into bed , but he had no objection to it being employed to fight manslayer . It was the study of a bit for Geoffrey to hit his remote for a third sentence . There was an plosion and the unfortunate Frank sail out of the window — fall out exactly the same trajectory that Geoffrey ’s suitcase had done on the previous occasion . He landed head - first in a bloom bed and broke his neck opening .

It ’s pretty much all incredibly silly material , and you may cut the political lecture with a spoon . But Elton ’s novel also whiz along at a hundred miles per hour , with lots of loopy piece of writing , and they carry you along . Well worth tracking down the omnibus intensity of Stark and Gridlock , which should take you an afternoon to read .

Lesdilley